"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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