I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
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Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
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Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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