I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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