I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Randomize
