watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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