No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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