sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
