FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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