I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize