dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize