just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
