At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We just shotgunned beers for America
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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