Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Fuck appropriateness.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
