...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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