My room smells like vodka and shame
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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