Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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