Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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