I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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