No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
