i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just googled if crying burns calories
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
