in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
