i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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