maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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