I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
