today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
