you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Your cock deserves a montage
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
