I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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