youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
