I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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