I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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