I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm like, not good at living.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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