How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
