Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
