Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize