Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
