I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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