im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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