the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
