You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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