he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
