Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
