Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
