i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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