You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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