So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
