Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize