i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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