chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
