There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
