I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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