I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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