I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
