those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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