clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
