who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
