shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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