I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
