Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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