You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.