He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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