first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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