Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize